“When we say ‘2020’, so many things come to mind. For me, I saw people, on either side, acting in ways I never thought they would, and what people were saying on social media made me want to run away.
Then I considered my options: I could either duck away and stay in my little corner, or I could do something about it. I realized that people on all sides had some work to do, including myself. We all had work to do. We had to find a way to sit down and talk.
So I started with my first idea: host a conversation between teachers and parents about schools being shut down.
My next conversation happened at a rally in Midland organized to show unity for George Floyd, and being the mother of four Black sons, they asked me to speak. It was for people of different colors, backgrounds, and ethnicities. There were tons of people.
After I spoke, I noticed a gentleman wearing an NRA hat with an AR-15 strapped to his chest, along with a pistol and a knife. If you were to make a first-glance assumption about him, you’d think, ‘This guy means business’.
I remember people giving him looks, but to me, he wasn’t scary. He reminded me of one of my sons. He just had a young face and he looked a little bit, not nervous, but he didn't look comfortable. So I walked up to him, introduced myself, and said, ‘I just want to ask you some questions’.
When we first started talking, his shoulders were up and he was naturally defensive, given the situation. But I said, ‘I don't expect anything from you. I just want to know what's up. What's going on? I see you with all the stuff, talk to me.’
He told me he was there to protect his friend's pawn shop. I told him that made sense, I understood him, and that I'm also around people who believe in being able to protect their home, their person, whoever is around them. As the conversation went on, you could see his shoulders settling and he began to relax. We spoke for about 15 minutes, and found some things we agreed on and some things that we didn’t. I found later that he stayed and helped clean up afterwards.
When I saw how he reminded me of my sons, I thought about how everybody looked at him almost like he was a leper. I understand why people were put off, and some people are very uncomfortable around guns. I understood the pause and concern, but I also could feel him. He was there by himself. Nobody was with him. He came alone. I know what that feels like, to be somewhere and nobody comes up and talks to you, and I didn't want him feeling like that.
I filmed our conversation, I asked him for permission, and some people took pictures of us. People who watched it later told me they were close by because they were afraid for me, but I didn't feel any fear with him. But again, that goes to the message of what we do at The Breaking Bread Village. I didn't come to him with aggression. I didn't come to him trying to squabble or have beef. I came to him very sincerely. I think that he fed off of that, if I would've come differently, quite naturally, he would've been defensive—all of us would, right?
That's such a big lesson for us all: that moment is where it counts. When I was a kid, waiting for the bus, there would always be somebody sitting next to you. You would have no idea if that person is a professor with a PhD, or a janitor, or a single mother. You just meet Dolores because she's sitting there with you and you start talking.
And how you approach that moment means everything. You may never see Dolores again, but this is a moment where you can leave an imprint on her and vice versa. We need to take advantage of those moments when they come, instead of looking for a battlefield. Give others the same grace you want to receive; the same grace we all wish for.”
“After a year of online conversations, we started ‘The Live Show’, focusing on topics and conversations that encourage growth in all of us, topics like societal expectations, bias, honesty, and tolerance. My hope is that people go to every show, so that we can learn from each other and grow together.
This season is called ‘Including You’. I like to keep things simple. If we want change, growth, and to build up our community, then that includes all of us. That includes you. That includes me. That includes ‘we’. We’re called The Breaking Bread Village, and to me, the act of breaking bread has always been like a truce. It’s a way to show that we are all equal here at the table and that we can all play a part, so that concept has been at the core of the talks.
I ask panelists to participate because I saw something in them that I thought would bring value to the conversation. I want them to be who they are. We want to make things as cool and easy as possible for people, because we know discussing certain topics is hard. The idea is that we're all here to chill. We try to take away any anxiety people may have and our team is fantastic with that.
I want to create a safe space, and I mean that. Not just safe for people with similar cultures or perspectives—we really want everyone at the table. That means the conservative person, the religious person, left or right–I want all of it.
We have to learn how to navigate through life with people who have different viewpoints. The reality is that no matter where you go—to the grocery store, to church, to work, to the coffee shop—there are going to be people that do not feel the same way as you. For all of us, the audience and the panelists, if you feel challenged or uncomfortable at a talk, that's a chance to search within yourself.”
“‘I invited a gentleman by the name of Ryan Kelley to come to a talk in Midland, and the topic was ‘Agree to Disagree’. Mr. Kelley ran for governor as a Republican and he's very transparent about who he is. He's far right, and I invited him because I always want a conservative view on the panel if I can find one. He drove from the Grand Rapids to join us, I didn’t pay him or anything, and I was really appreciative that he came.
I remember people were very upset. Some told me that he shouldn’t be there, and that I gave him a platform. I felt that he already had a platform with thousands of followers, so I wasn't giving him anything, but what I was doing was being true to what I said I'm going to do.
The next day, I put out an appreciation post on social media to all our speakers and I recall one comment, a person said they really appreciated me having people from all over the Great Lakes Bay Region to represent and to speak, except for ‘the other’. Well, I will always invite the ‘other’. I've been an ‘other’, so I will always invite people that do not necessarily align with the norm. That's the beauty of this, that our personal views or perspectives do not answer everything.
I've had people tell me things that they don't agree with me and I had to learn how to receive what people were saying. Some may consider it criticism, when it's really just a person's viewpoint. We take it in as a negative instead of saying, how can I use this as fuel to help me grow? Even if it's just growing the patience needed to sit through that conversation. I don't like to use the word ‘triggered’, but if we are so easily moved by everything, what are we really standing for?
I love being challenged. Think about relationships: if you have a partner, you don't always agree on everything. You have to learn how to talk through it. What's the other alternative, divorce or separation? We have to learn how to coexist.”
“These ‘Including You’ conversations are building blocks. The most impactful moments for me have been what I call ‘the after’, the conversations and impact that happen after the event.
For example, I had a woman tell me she stopped talking to her brother after his presidential choice in 2020. But after attending one of our events, she decided to reach out to him. That is success. We've had panelists, people that would usually never sit down with each other because they are on opposite ends of a political or belief spectrum, and I hear that some of them meet up for coffee to keep talking after the panel. That is success.
It's about planting seeds. I get a little emotional because it’s one of those dreams I hoped was possible. When you see the connections and personal epiphanies, it’s deep stuff.
So when people say to me ‘how do you measure success?’, that is how I measure it.”
“There’s an energy in the room at our talks. You feel it when you’re there, and people stay after, they’ll stay until we get kicked out, and then the conversations continue outside.
We don't put up bios of our speakers. People have asked me over and over to do it and I never will. I want to create a dialogue like you might get at a bus stop. You don’t know anything about the stranger you’re talking to. You don’t bring in any bias or preconceived ideas based on their career, education, politics, etc. I want people to come as themselves. I don’t want them to feel they have to live up to their title or societal expectations. We sometimes have this black and white view of people—that if you align with this, you must align with all of this, too. But that’s not real. I take all that away and my hope is that people can come and be in their true self.
We are a collective, but we're also individuals. So if each individual does their part– this self-awareness work, then we naturally are better people to get along with. Think about times you've had a heavy conversation with someone you really didn't know that well. I think we’ve all had an experience where you walk away thinking ‘even though it was heavy, I feel good’, because not only did you listen to that person, you released some stuff too.
This is a give and receive type of thing. You have to walk in with a commitment to receive, and to give. When you receive, you're receiving what that person's saying. That means that you're actively listening. You're actually listening to what they have to say. You're taking it in. You're giving a moment to pause and process what they're saying so you can really hear them. To move past surface talk.
And then when you're giving, you give of yourself and your energy. We look for these big grand expressions, and it's not always like that. A lot of times it's those small moments. Moments of joy or giving that grow and ripple out into the community in a positive way.”
-Erin Patrice, The Breaking Bread Village
